Every 14 Days...(8)

The If You Prefer A Milder Comedian, Please Ask For One EP (Stewart Lee)

After his last book, ‘How I Escaped My Certain Fate’, in which he annotates transcriptions of his three stand-up DVDs to date, Stewart Lee follows up his ‘LP’ with an ‘EP’ of his most recent live DVD along similar lines.

It’s an interesting approach to the autobiography, adding stories behind the routines to document the real-life events that inspired the falsified anecdotes.

To read, it is horrible; constantly switching between footnotes and the main body, confusing as to which page you are actually meant to be on. But for the diehard comedy purist, it’s an insightful work to inspire another viewing of the DVD. However, what’s most interesting about this book is that it was first published in 2012, yet I bought it off the man himself in December 2011.

Days to read: 4

Days per book: 15.7

Bye Bye Balham (Richard Herring)

Essentially, this book is pointless.  The numerous unsold copies that haunt the writer’s basement –hindering both players’ shooting angles in his Me1 vs. Me2 snooker podcasts – are testament to this. Any pathetic human, such as me, can log-on to www.richardherring.co.uk and click on ‘Warming Up’ and read the blog that he has kept every day since 25^th November, 2002. Coincidentally, the same date that I started this little reading adventure (well, actually 26^th November).

‘Bye Bye Balham’ is the first six months of the blog in published book form, looking back at the words he wrote from 2008, adding information here and there. But, being that there is no porn on his website (sex porn, anyway), I have little to no interest in spending too long on his website (or any website for that matter) and so would much rather read the words on page than on screen.

Perhaps, though, the only reason he decided to publish this as a book in 2008 is that he knew that in January 2012, I would be spending a lot of time journeying up and down the Northern Line to and from Balham appreciating the irony each time.

Days to read: 16

Days per book: 15.7

TV Go Home: TV Listings the Way they should be (Charlie Brooker)

Completing the trilogy of comedians that wrote the pile of books I have to get through (can anyone guess what I got for Christmas?!), Charlie Brooker’s TV listings mockery was next on my chortle-sphere.

I’ve got more and more into Mr Konni Huq’s BBC Four shows over the last couple of years, and having enjoyed much of his screenplay writing, I thought it best I read some of his paper book writes as well. ‘TV Go Home’ is essentially the RadioTimes written by a man angry at how shit most television is, with falsely created TV shows to put an ironic spin on how most of television works, as well as hit-out at Shoreditch-based media types.

My balls did hurt in parts with laughing at some of the sheer outrageous and absurd ideas he concocts, though many programme premises are – this is a man who had the idea of the Prime Minister fucking a pig made into a commissioned programme. But as an overall read, it’s not one to sit down for long sessions with – having been based on a magazine – and thus, I hang my head in shame, Stewart Lee, it makes a great toilet book.

Days to read: 10

Days per book: 15.5

The Perfect Fool (Stewart Lee)

Wow! Those books I got for Christmas written by TV funny men (Richard Herring just wants to be on telly!) just keep coming!

A novel, I hear you cry. Indeed yes, a novel based on the Native American concept of the ‘perfect fool’: where a member of society plays the role of the fool in order to work as an example to others. Here numerous ‘fools’ each live out their equally ridiculous lives (in Balham and other such places) with seemingly no conclusion in sight, before they all meet in the deserts of Arizona.

This is stand-up Stewart Lee’s sole novel to date and starts as quite a struggle of a read. While outshining the works of say, Chris Moyles, the initial chapters feel rather conceited as Lee tries to use too grandiose a writing style to distinguish his work as literature among the throngs of pulp fiction. However, sticking with it, this soon becomes less of a problem as the story develops.

The various characters require some leaps of faith in the reader to make them believable and some of their actions towards the end seem a little out-of-place. But much like his comedy, this does raise some interesting points, whether you think it’s good or bad and raises Lee above some of the more foolish titles on the shelves…such as the works of Kipling. You are shit Rudyard!

Days to read: 9

Days per book: 15.3

Screen Burn (Charlie Brooker)

Part two of making my way through the books of Charlie Brooker is ‘Screen Burn’: a collection of works from his column of the same name the ‘The Guide’ in The Guardian. Now, the problem with reading this is that you have to cast your mind back to the years 2000-2004 and much of the television that was broadcast over this period. This is, however, the time when I was at University and staying in of a night to while away in front of the ol’ radiation king was not top of my list of priorities.

While much of the book is undeniably funny, with various social comments and guffaw-inducing remarks about popular culture, a lot of time is spent wracking the brain as to whether or not you can remember, or have even heard of, the various shows to which he is referring. Though, while some quick references may pass you by, the entertainment value is higher than most books as you read the pages of a man condemning the very thing he loves.

At 360 pages, this can become a little tired – with each article only around two pages long – and repetitive; never really able to get into the book in a long session, making it not really one for a long journey. But it was never intended to be anything more, as the writer himself describes ‘one easy-to-read-on-the-toilet package’. Are all his books toilet books?!

Days to read: 16

Days per book: 15.3

The Muppets

A rag-tag bunch of fluff-headed goons, bouncing and flailing as if their limbs are being manipulated with rods, yelping confused babble at each other through flapping mouths…but that’s enough about <insert your football team of choice> this current campaign. (Unless of course, you’re a Watford fan who can neither read, think nor have any concept of anything bar their own faeces.)

Much as it is now Alex McLeish’s Villa, it is now Disney’s The Muppets: the all-conquering, worst example of child exploitation ever now taking over from the Jim Henson label, the great Villa manager of the late 1970s. So, does this new branding disappoint? Well, the jokes are terrible and the songs worse…so business as usual for the Muppets then.  Having said that, while the songs were generally the boring parts of the previous films, they’re a little bit too frequent and bad here.

Having co-written the script, Jason Segal hogs far too much screen time, turning it into a vehicle to discuss the size of his own anal sphincter. In terms of cameos, some are good, though many are just thrown in for mere seconds of screen time, though honourable mentions must go to Whoopi Goldberg and Tony Blair as Kermit the Frog.  

But generally, while okay, this just isn’t as good as the previous Muppet films, falling way short of The Muppet Christmas Carol: The greatest story ever told.

Whose Film is It Anyway? Contemporary Japanese Auteurs

Another year, another Japan Foundation themed film programme. The theme this year is that of narrative creativity, looking at various Japanese auteurs and how their work is very much a reflection of their own personal vision. 9 films made up this year’s programme, though due to my commitment to watching Millwall-Derby (a shitcunt of a 0-0 bore) and Villa losing again, as well as comedy watching commitments, I only made it to two of the films on offer, with the ones I saw more down to schedule than preference.

The Dark Harbour

Sad and lonely fisherman, Manzo, finds that his usual pulling technique of putting on a leather jacket and sniffing a rose has failed one time too many, and so tries an organised party with city women in which introductory videos of local males are shown to entice knicker-dampening. His video fails, though leads him to discover a strange woman and young boy that have been hiding out in his house. Out of loneliness, he invites them to stay, leading to an unusual relationship developing between the trio, though ends as abruptly as it was started.

Largely a comedy about the patheticnessness of men seeking sex, the first half of the film is mainly laughing at poor Manzo as he looks for love. The second half, however, is a sadder period as the unusual relationship begins to break, though never dwells on things for too long. Takatsugu Naito’s film is largely gentle, never winning huge laughs nor shedding too many tears, though does enough to win itself a second date.

All Around Us

An ambitious piece, ’All Around Us’ charts a couple of a ten year period as they come to terms with the death of their infant daughter. Along the way, various major events that took place in Japan are featured in an attempt to show how the couple’s journey reflects that of Japan’s over the years. While her husband remains relatively stoic, keeping his feelings very much to himself, Shoko struggles to cope with the death at times, falling into a state of depression, though eventually they overcome their troubles as time passes.

Himself having suffered from depression, Ryosuke Hashiguchi looks at the various ways in which different people cope with loss while those around them get to grips with the changing times in the nation. This requires some strong performances and the cast do enough of a job to deliver, as well as the always reliable Susumu Terajima in support; and shades of Hana-bi feature towards the end, as Shoko uses the flowers surrounding her to inspire artwork in overcoming her depression.

‘Sleep’, another film featured, I had previously seen in another festival, looking at another strange family set up as the mother seeks revenge over the man who raped her. Though sadly I missed the remaining six films, including the supposed highlight ‘I Just Didn’t Do It’. The programme now moves on to Sheffield, Edinburgh, Glasgow, Belfast and other such places you would never wish to live.

Nippon Konchuki

First seen around 50 years ago by the eccentric old Japanese gent sat next to me (who mysteriously managed to lose his cap inside his own bag at the end of the film), ‘The Insect Woman’, to give it its English title, charts the rise and demise of Tome from her birth to middle-age in post-war Japan. Born a bastard (or bitch, if she’s a lady), she forms an unusual relationship with her father while growing up in a small village out in the sticks. When becoming a woman, she grows more rebellious, giving birth to her own bastard daughter and becoming further shunned by local gossip, and so moves to Tokyo to take her childish rebellion to the world of prostitution, whoring out anyone she meets.

Made in 1963, director Imamura Shohei creates a quirky film full of subtle humour, with its tongue firmly in its cheek. With a controversial back catalogue behind him, this film is full of naughtiness and shows a modern woman not afraid to throw herself into anything in the hope that her daughter will not lead a similar life to hers.

Taking on social taboos, the influence of this piece can be seen in the many later films tackling women fighting alone against society’s pointing finger, and for that, the digital re-mastering is justified 49 years on. Full of humour and entertainment value, this is an important work in the career of an influential Japanese director whom passed away last year: a friend of my fellow eccentric old Japanese audience member.

Politic 15

Prevail - Cappo
Deception - Blackalicious
Great Wonders (Instrumental) - Lewis Parker
Anger of the Earth - Nomak
The Universe - Nomak
Sanctuary - Nomak
Velodrome (Nomak's Remix Instrumental) - Pismo
Money Hugger (Gold Diggin) - Madlib
Rollin' - Redman
Sakura - Joe Hisaishi
Appertif - Green Butter
Shed A Tear (Instrumental) - Lewis Parker
Visions of Splendour (Instrumental) - Lewis Parker
The Clouds Open - Lewis Parker
Dolls - Joe Hisaishi
Fluffy Cloud - Nomak
Stepfather Factory - El-P
Metronome - Michita
23thtrmnl - Michita

Hong Kong Legends

If you crossed Japan with Hong Kong, I would be in living in a world that only Hitchin could compete with…in DVD terms, anyway. However, the fact that each only provides me with one half of perfection means that I am left in a state of tantalising near orgasm.

The good people of Japan, the Japanese, made the correct decision of choosing Region 2 for their DVD format. This means that any DVD I purchase in Japan, as I often do (both times I have been there), I can enjoy in the comfort of my X-Box (original, not 360) and Toshiba 14’’. However, the majority of Japanese DVDs that I want to buy don’t have English subtitles. Makes sense of course, being that it is sold in Japan. It would be like putting Japanese subtitles on a UK-release DVD ‘Two Pints of Lager’…or English subtitles on a UK-DVD release of ‘Two Pints of Lager’…or audio on a UK-release DVD of ‘Two Pints of Lager’.

Conversely, the large foreign populations in Hong Kong means that the vast majority of Hong Kong DVD releases have English subtitles, along with Cantonese and Mandarin. But the bastards are only bloody Region 3, or Region 1 to satisfy those light beer drinkers. This means I will be able to follow the film, but will not be able to watch it on my primitive means, and thus never be able to follow it.

There are only a few options (beyond actually getting to grips with modern technology, buying an all-region DVD player and one of those fancy TVs I’ve heard so much about) open to me: a) learn Japanese (pending); b) actually getting to grips with modern technology, buying an all-region DVD player and one of those fancy TVs I’ve heard so much about (effort); c) start watching things on my computer (I don’t like this option); or d) only buy Japanese DVDs with English subtitles and all-region Hong Kong DVDs (that’s the easy, British option).

So, while in Hong Kong last summer, I bought myself a number of DVDs of films that I had heard of but I’ve never seen or films I had never heard of, nor indeed seen. Being that a lot of them were about £3, it wasn’t too much of a risk to my bank balance, but it did also mean that I wasn’t in a massive hurry to watch them. But, being that it’s a new year, I made it my resolution to watch them all…or at least the ones I’d never heard of before…

people’s HERO (1988)

Bought mainly for one reason: I liked the cover. The other one reason is that it has Tony Leung Chui-Wai in it. Oh, housewife’s choice Tony Leung Chui-Wai. Sex. Though here he is in a much younger and wilder role than his usual smooth, suave and debonair characters. A very simple film, it is about a botched bank robbery that leads to a hostage situation, before everything goes horribly wrong. Films like this go one of two ways, and the direction it takes is down to the cast and crew involved. Luckily here, it is a cast of younger versions of the Hong Kong elite and is handled in an interesting enough manner, to turn it into more than some simple, daytime Channel 5 movie.

Spacked Out (2000)

Got to love a film called ‘Spacked Out’, especially when you read on the back of the DVD case that the four main protagonists are called Cookie, Banana, Bean-Curd and Sissy…So, a film about three food stuffs and a transsexual. Again I liked the cover; a low-budget design catching some mythical point in time, and it is produced by Johnnie To: the John Woo of the new millennium. Essentially, this is your typical youth with no future piece about a group of teenage girls in a far-out part of Hong Kong’s New Territories. On learning that she is pregnant, one of the group starts to question their wild antics, and for once looks to the future. A pretty standard, non-linear series of scenes makes this the Hong Kong answer to many similar films that have been made throughout the world, but is not exactly life changing.

First Love: The Littler on the Breeze (1998)

They really do just make more interesting DVD covers in Hong Kong. Not better ones, just more interesting. This time is was not Johnnie To as producer that led me to the film, but Wong Kar-wai, putting his name to a film directed by Eric Kot. I’m not really sure what’s going on in this film – I’m not sure that I’m meant to. The opening sequence is a bizarre collection of shots with a charmingly terrible soundtrack accompanying it. The film is much like this all the way through, similar to Wong Kar-wai’s films ‘Chungking Express’ and ‘Fallen Angels’. The director narrates a ‘making-of’ style side throughout the tales of first love, making this a film that is simply too easy to label as postmodern.

Okinawa Redez-vous (2000)

The great thing about ‘Okinawa Redez-vous’ is that the dialogue is about 50% Cantonese, 33% basic English and 17% basic Japanese. This means that I can understand about 20% of what is said without subtitles. Tony Leung Ka-fai (the non-housewife’s choice one) is a policeman that takes his girlfriend on a trip to Okinawa, where he comes across Hong Kong criminal Leslie Cheung and so plots to arrest him in-between sunning himself and breaking his girlfriend’s heart. This is a pretty standard film for a cast of big names, with the strange characters of a lovesick yakuza boss, an obsessive police desk clerk and a master criminal that’s more concerned by chasing the women than money. It seems they’d all taken a break from slightly more serious roles for this one.

It’s pretty clear to see why all of these films involving some of Hong Kong’s megastars have yet to have any real release in the UK, despite their already large numbers of films that have: all are pretty simple pieces (well, ‘First Love’ would have been simple to make, anyway) and similar English-language films can be found. But each is charming in its own way and overall they were worth every penny of the £12 total I probably paid for them.