Every 14 Days...(35)

Golazo! (Andreas Campomar)

No, not the title music from Channel 4's 1990s 'Football Italia' - well, maybe - but the story of football in Latin America (it's was £3.99 and I needed a book to read). Andreas Campomar is a man, supposedly the great-grand-nephew of Enrique Buero, the Uruguayan who convinced Jules Rimet to hold the first World Cup there so they could win it.

Starting from the points of origin in the Nineteenth Century, it goes on to chart the rise of The Beautiful in each of the South America's nations, and Mexico, and how each adopted it in their own way, right up to the point when Messi couldn't look more disappointed to win the Golden Ball in Brazil.

This is pretty standard stuff. From reading this rather long book, you will learn a fair few results of early South American football matches; how some Scottish and Hungarian men had some influences in the development of the game; and that Campomar doesn't particularly care for the English game (i.e. the English and how they play football - Oi!).

This has its moments, but overall, it's a little long and repetitive, a bit like the last few World Cup finals.

Days to read: 25

Days per book: 15.1

Nomad (Alan Partridge*)

'This certainly is a book that has been written...' ('Homes Under the Hammer' House-valuiser, Dion Dublin)

I, Alan Partridge, am a fraud. Over close to three decades, I have made a concerted, and indeed correct, effort to present myself, Alan Partridge, as a pillar of this modern-day society. By carefully constructing my outward persona as a Daily Mail-reading, un-show-offy-priced-superior-car-driving, sports casual-wearing man you can trust, I have established an above-average career in media broadcasting, free from any questioning by local authorities.

But this, I can now confirm, is hodgepotch! For I, Alan Partridge, am a rouge, a maverick...a nomad.

Having recently de-cluttered some loft space to make room for my Bodymax B2 Indoor Cycle Exercise Bike with LCD monitor, I unearthed a treasure map made by my father. Quickly discovering that any treasure associated with this map was metaphorical, I realised that this was indeed a plotting of my father's route from my childhood home to his failed job interview at Dungeness Nuclear Power Station. Recalling this as a brave and pivotal moment in my father's life, my 'nomad' side felt compelled to recreate his journey.

But no, not in the automotive mode of transport my old-fashioned father took. I, Alan Partridge, choose to use my automated feet, not so much following in the footsteps of my father, but rather treading on his tread marks, with nothing more than what FedEx can courier to the next B'n'B on my route.

What follows is a whirlwind tour from the Carphone Warehouse, Norwich (site of my childhood home) to the Romney Marsh of Kent. There are moments, revelations, and countless opportunities for format ideas, the likes of which Noel Edmonds can only dream of, as I embark on a once in a lifetime journey.

'As a person known for having such low standards, I was mildly impressed!' (Keren 'Bananarama' Woodward)

*Once again, I wish to pledge that, contrary to controversial e-rumours on the world wide website, Steve Coogan, Rob Gibbons and Neil Gibbons (whoever they are!) wrote not a jot of this mini-masterpiece. Every ruddy word was written by me, Alan Partridge.

Days to read: 12

Days per book: 15.1

The Door (Magda Szabó)

This book is a bit of a reverse shit sandwich, in that it starts a bit shit, it then gets better, but then goes back to being a bit shit again by the end.

A young writer, seemingly an autobiographical version of Szabó herself, moves into a new flat in Budapest with her academic husband. The residency is managed by the elderly Emerence, a bit of a twat-bitch in all fairness. It's fair to say the trio don't really get along when Emerence takes on the additional role of looking after the young couple's flat for them as well. Over time, the two females grow accustomed to each other and accept each other's idiosyncrasies, however much they still appear to despise each other.

To start, this all feels a bit sentimental and 'tragic lives' and I was none too impressed. But, sticking with it, things improved as the two grow to learn about each other's lives in more detail, trying to understand the other's perspective. However, the building-to-the-inevitable end is a little annoying, as the pair fail to fully understand each other, as you fail to understand either of them at all.

The two lead characters are poor, neither in the slightest bit likeable, even for a person from Watford. Putting the two one side for a moment though, the dynamic between them developing as each comes to terms with the other is worthy of some merit. Though by the end, you suddenly remember that you have no time for either character: the young writer a spoilt brat that would fail to wipe her own arse with something she had written; and the elderly woman one to stubborn, cold and set-in-her-ways (with pride) to have any interest in trying to form any sort of meaningful interest in.

Maybe I'm being an old-fashioned, bigoted man, too set-in-my-ways to understand either character fully. But for a character-driven piece, what could have been decent is ultimately let down by personalities that, well, just leave a bit of a taste of shit in your mouth.

Days to read: 14 (woohoo!)

Days per book: 15.1

David Brent: Life on the Road

It's fair to say that 'The Office' was a well-observed mockumentary sit-com about the everyday mundanity of office life. A rare thing in a sit-com that seemed to improve as it went, making strong social comment along with laughs.

But since the success of 'The Office', the Gervais-Merchant writing team have delved into difficult areas; the social comment, and laughs, declining as they went. 'Extras' felt indulgent and 'Life's Too Short' short on a lot of things. Much like Steve Coogan with Alan Partridge before him, Ricky Gervais - after some time away in Hollywood - has now returned to the character that first made his name. However, this time Stephen Merchant isn't anywhere to be found.

As explored in the final Christmas episodes, David Brent is now working in the Berkshire area as a sales rep for a cleaning company. But, self-absorbed as ever, having saved some money, he takes some time off work, hires a backing band and sound engineer and organises a 'tour' of the region, living out his dream of being a musician. But, inevitably, his dream falls short for a second time.

The film, therefore, is a building on one of the famous 'The Office' moments, where Brent 'went home to get' his guitar and tells the story of his former dream during a rather unsuccessful training day.  What starts off as an adlibbed piece in a thirty minute episode becomes a feature film. There is a hint of over-indulgence here.

When asked why there were so many songs in 'Bigger, Longer and Uncut', Trey Parker and Matt Stone replied that they 'wanted to be rock stars.' Gervais himself is a former musician, in a band that never quite made it. 'David Brent: Life on the Road', therefore, is a vehicle for Gervais to have his music heard on a wider scale. While these are songs designed to be comical, they are passable as songs written by someone who knows his stuff, rather than coming across as too amateurish. But with so much screentime dedicated to live performances, the songs are neither good, nor funny, enough to justify the focus.

No doubt one of the funniest elements of 'The Office' was Brent's awkwardness when faced with sensitive subjects, such as race, disability and sexuality. A lot of the songs featured are along similar lines (literally), with awkward lyrics bordering on the offensive. While no offence is intended, the fact that it has become such an important part of his comedy over the years shows perhaps the frequent post-irony at play has left Gervais confused as to his own thoughts on the subjects. Moments become awkward, but for the wrong reasons.

There are laughs here: some office bants still feature; and some of the songs do hit the funny bone on occasion. But one thing that's missing here is the others: Gareth, Tim and Dawn were all important parts of 'The Office' structure, and Brent's playing off them is what made it so strong. Here though, they are not present, and his interactions with the band - with the exception of Doc Brown's Dom - are kept on stage, lacking the natural flow of the series.

But, more importantly, it may be the absence of Merchant that is most noticeable. Gervais needed the second writer to reign the Brent within and stop this feeling like life imitating art.

As Richard Herring would say: 'They should have put Tim from 'The Office' in it.'

Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa

So goes with any popular comedy character(s), a film needs to be made to essentially kill them off,  in a 'we won't be making any more of these' sense, as well artistically. Most inevitably succeed financially, but are often poor attempts at transferring a character that works in a thirty minute format to the big screen.

And so now comes one of the great British comedy characters: Alan Partridge. With the previous incarnations of Alan Gordon Partridge, it would be easy to suggest that the character wouldn't work on the big screen: spoof news show sports reporting; chat show; claustrophobic, fly-on-the-wall account of a man's life crumbling; and web-cam radio show. Turning a much-loved character from intentionally un-cool scenarios into the more dramatic setting required for cinema is a different-shaped potato altogether.

Well, to start, the three original writers, all involved here, have all have experience working in cinema, albeit inconsistent, and as such know how to work within the medium. The problem is, would this be one of their hits rather than misses?

While not a corking, copper-bottomed hit, 'Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa' is one of the better conversions. Quite nicely, they have put the character in the sort of scenario he dreams of, though would be unable to cope with should it occur. Unless of course, there is quality broadcasting to made. But with Partridge, it's the mundane nature of the situations that make it so good, and so while the film doesn't completely disappoint, it isn't the best incarnation of the character to date, and is arguably, the worst.

It's disappointing that there are fewer of the regular Partridge faces from the past included within the cast, though this is probably a compromise that had to be made when moving to cinema, with the likes of Colm Meaney and Sean Pertwee drafted in. Compromise is probably what saves the film from becoming the depressing romp that comedy films can often descend into, with endless horrible afterthoughts thrown in at the end as the film concludes. Enough balance has been made to ensure that it is a film that can stand up on its own merits, but also not completely disappointing worshipers of Partridge.  

There are some good Partridge moments, like his choice of vehicle, though there is nothing particularly here to add to the endlessly quotable lines delivered by Steve Coogan. Instead, it is an enjoyable enough ninety minutes of comedy that builds the Partridge character further, leaving some possibility that the old dog isn't quite dead just yet.    

Every 14 Days...(6)

Kappa (Akutagawa Ryunosuke)

On reading alone, ‘Kappa’ would seem like a book written by a man at the point of madness. A man is thrown into the ‘kappa world’ to live among these strange, mythical creatures from Japanese folklore, gradually learning their idiosyncrasies and customs.

Akutagawa Ryunosuke was at the point of madness when writing one of his longer works; finished not long before his suicide. On writing about the kappa world, he looks at all aspects of life: politics, religion, love, war, law, entertainment, health, etc., serving as a critique from an outsider’s perspective. Obviously doubling as a critique of the Japan in which he lived and how customs often get in the way of logic and sense to an onlooker.

Akutagawa himself was marginalised at this stage, being in and out of psychiatric hospitals, and so chose to look at society for what it was from a distance; and saw madness in the method.

Days to read: 12

Days per book: 15.3

The Japanization of Modernity: Murakami Haruki between Japan and the United States (Rebecca Suter)

This is a book written in English by an American about a Japanese author that I bought in Hong Kong. Read coincidentally to coincide with the UK release of his new work ‘1Q84’, Suter’s work is essentially a PhD look at his work across cultures in both Japan and the US.

Mainly looking into his shorts (ho ho), the differing reception of his work in the US and Japan is compared, with more traditional critics in Japan believing his works are not Japanese in style or content. Western critics, however, are more praising of his work and his look into identity from a global perspective.

Indeed, Suter believes that Murakami’s use of Western reference points in a Japanese setting give him a global appeal that is both normal and exotic at the same time. A timely conclusion with his latest offering creating midnight openings on its release.

Days to read: 39

Days per book: 16.5

I, Partridge: We Need to Talk About Alan (Alan Partridge*)

‘A real corker!’ (Toby Anstis)

With every Tom, Dick and Harry feeling the need to tell us about their – quite frankly pitiful – lives, I thought it best that I, Alan Partridge, set the world to rights with my follow up to the Loddon Eye Best Seller, ‘Bouncing Back’.

Think of the book as thus: An all-out, balls-to-the-wall account of my life, career and the bits in between. Shooting from the hip and taking absolutely no prisoners, much of what was written was deemed ‘too hot’ by my original publishers, Penguin. ‘Goolies to that!’ was my uncompromising response. Harper Collins being a much more thorough company, I decided to take my work to them instead.

So, sit back, relax, grab a mug of Nestle’s Milo Nutritious Energy Drink, prepare a dictionary and thesaurus (it gets a little tricky in parts) and do not p-p-p-p-pick up a Penguin. Pick up a fantastic Harper Collins. But don’t take it from me, take it from mambo soul crooner, Lou Bega…

‘This is my mambo number 1!’ (Lou Bega)

*I would like to make it categorically clear that, contrary to controversial e-rumours on the world wide website, Steve Coogan, Armando Iannucci, Rob Gibbons and Neil Gibbons (whoever they are!) wrote not a jot of this mini-masterpiece. Every ruddy word was written by me, Alan Partridge.

Days to read: 11

Days per book: 16.2